The Contemporary Family

God's Standard Is Still Best

Actually, dear readers, I don't have any hidden agenda here at Didaskalos. I'm not running for office, I refuse to accept money for these studies (you see, you may use them freely in any way you want, as long as you don't sell them), and I'm not looking for a cult following. In fact, the only position I have is that I believe the Word of God in it's entirety. If God only says it in one Scripture, I believe it just as much as if He said it in fifty Scriptures. If Father says it once, that's enough for me.

After three days of responding to her flame mail (which is about two days more than I usually do) I locked all my filters in place and let all future letters go to the trash can. So if you're still out there writing, give it up. As I said on my introductory page, I never argue about the Scriptures. God can defend Himself adequately, thank you.

I know you're asking yourself now, "What in the world does this have to do with the Contemporary Family? Why don't this bonehead get to the point?". Well, my friends, everything I said before relates to this study. Over six millennia ago God wrote certain standards through Prophets and (later) Apostles in a Book. First He constructed an Old Testament and, when the Living New Covenant came to walk among men, He developed a New Testament. In this Book He gave us the owner's manual on Creation. You see, God not only made the earth, the sea, the air, and the animals, but He made man, woman, and through them children. Since God made the family unit then it's only natural to believe that He'd know the best way to run that unit. When I purchase a new car (which has only happened once in my life) the first thing I do is get out the owner's manual and see what's best for that car. I only want to put the right oil in it, the right transmission fluid, the best gas, the finest filters. This thing cost me a lot of money and, by golly, I want it to last.

A family is much more precious than a car. Earlier I said that I came home to my little slice of Heaven. Believers, I'm not exaggerating! Twenty years ago I and my wife to be sat down together and looked at the Book, the Owner's Manual for our family. We decided that our marriage would be run by the Book, even by that one Scripture that people like to overlook. In twenty years I have never had to question if my wife was sneaking out on me to see another man. I never had to do a "dope search" through my kid's rooms. None of my children have run with the gangs, killed or raped anyone, or caused grievous injury to themselves or others because of alcohol abuse. When I get off work I go home because that's where the Owner's Manual tells me to go. Did we never have problems? Yes, we had problems from time to time, but all were handled by the Owner's Manual so they stayed small. No, I've never slept on the couch, and my wife has never thrown me out of the house. It's not in the Book!

Fifty years ago most families ordered their lives by the Book. Even unbelievers had certain standards that they tried to maintain straight out of the Book. Then came the fabulous '60s, the "free sex, free drug" movement. Suddenly the Book was pushed aside for hedonism. Bring on the pornography, bring out the booze, let's party! Mom and Dad, pursue the almighty dollar. Let the family percolate in it's own juices, it'll be all right. Don't spank your children, only a monster would hit someone he loves. Bring on the television shows that emasculate men, ridicule men, abuse men. Make divorce a free option, and give the children to mom. Tell these latchkey kids to behave and stagger off to a party, setting a fine example. Give your kids condoms in school then tell them to avoid sex. Tear the Book up for political correctness. What do you get when you create such a Frankensteinian society?

Well, you get what we're getting today. Children that strike or kill their parents. Children that take guns to school and mow down their classmates because they looked at them wrong. A 25% divorce rate in America. Increasingly severe pornography, freely available for our children. Drugs in your kid's dresser, and pregnant 14 year old girls. Sure, blame it on the Media. After all, look at all the violence on television. Never mind that years ago we watched the Three Stooges hit one another in the head with hammers and never considered doing the same to each other. Never mind that the horror movies of the 40's and 50's were just as scary and violent, though there may not have been as much gore. Blame it on the Media, not on the parent that allows the child to watch that stuff. Blame it on the Government, not on the parents who fail to follow the Book in their marriage. Blame somebody else, but not me, that's for sure!

If we don't get back to the Owner's Manual, the Bible, it's going to get much worse. The Los Angeles riots were just the tip of the iceberg, my friend. It's time we get into the Bible and see how we should be running our families. We've listened to political correctness and Doctoral candidates for long enough. Don't you think it's time to listen to the Manufacturer, God Almighty?
 

The Christian parent disciplines his or her children because you love them. If you don't care for your kids, it's the easiest thing in the world to ignore them. Let somebody else discipline them. Let the Law take care of it, or the poor school teachers. Give it to the military or the courts. Take them to Church, maybe the Pastor will deal with them. Think I'm exaggerating? Think again. Every time I see some woman in court telling the judge, "But he's such a good boy", I see a parent that failed to follow God's standard in family discipline when it mattered, before this child became a man.

The Bible witness is that we must discipline our children. If you reject God's Word the Apostle says:

Romans 3:4  "God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged."

Remember, God designed the family. As it's Designer He certainly knows what's best for it. God makes His position on disciplining your children very plain.

Proverbs 13:24  "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Rod is the Hebrew SHEBET, which means "a stick, rod, switch, or scepter". Hateth is the Hebrew SANE', which means "to be an enemy of, to find odious, to hate". God literally states that if we, as parents, refuse to discipline our children when they disobey we are their enemies. We are not, in fact, expressing love at all. "Wait a minute, Brother David. Are you telling me that if I refuse to paddle my disobedient children I really don't love them?" No, I'm not telling you that. God is!

Even the smallest infant is born with the curse of Adam, the desire to do sin rather than righteousness. This is a fact supported in the entirety of Scripture. Adults usually (but not always) avoid harming themselves or others when they follow their old sin nature. For instance, the average man will not decide to murder his neighbor, though he may think about it in his heart. God has placed certain controls on men that discourage such heinous actions, the control of the conscience and the control of Moral Law (see the Doctrine of Common Grace for a complete study on this). Man knows in his heart that murder is wrong so he avoids it. Yet the conscience can be twisted, man can quiet his better sense and still decide to do the evil. This is when the control of Moral Law takes over. All nations and local governments have laws established that exact penalties on murder, thievery, and so on. Each man has a fear of the Law, a fear of retribution, and this also acts to prevent rampant murder on a daily basis.

But what of the children? Remember, children have a fully developed old sin nature, just like an adult. Yet children do not have a fully developed conscience. I have seen children tear wings off of flies, hit their classmates over the head with toys, steal from others, and cripple small animals using bizarre experimentation. Children do not really understand that death is the cessation of life. Children also do not have a fully developed respect for the Moral Law of the nation. Any child's first contact with Moral Law is through the immediate positive actions of his parents. If the child disobeys and the parents take no action, that same child grows up with a "me ahead of the world" attitude that rejects the Moral Laws of mankind. A failure in parenting creates an adult monster that will, given time, do something against the world around him. Don't think so? Pick up your local newspaper and start reading.

Believers, you must discipline your children when it counts, while they are still children. A child can be given standards of behavior between the ages of 2 and 8 that will bring him or her to the altar, and stabilize them throughout their entire life. If you do not discipline your children you are acting like their enemy. By ignoring the problem that child is forming his own norms and standards of life that may be anything but normal.

Proverbs 6:23  "For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: "

The way you train your children while they are young will ultimately determine how they behave when they are adults. The discipline you inflict on your errant child may cause both of you pain, but this pain is only temporary. Much better to discipline the child when you see him putting a paper clip in the wall outlet, than to come back later and find him lying dead on the floor from electrocution. You see, children do not instinctively know the right from the wrong, the harmful from the inconvenient. You can tell a two year old child to keep away from the wall outlets, but he doesn't understand why the outlets are dangerous. If you tell the child to keep away and later catch him near the outlets, he will understand the paddling that he gets. He won't understand the nature of electricity, but he will equate disobedience in this area with discomfort, and he will avoid the discomfort. Many parents have opted to put a bandage on the problem rather than correcting the child. They buy safety devices, wall outlet plugs, locks for the medicine cabinet, and make their house a virtual Fort Knox. What good does this do? Is the child never going to leave your house? When you take him over to grandma's house, or out to a friend's house, are you going to hold the child the whole time? Are you going to purchase these "safety devices" and install them in every house you visit? What about when you go to the store? If you have not trained your child to avoid electrical outlets and medicine cabinets, sooner or later the forbidden will be found and tried. What will you do then?

Proverbs 19:18  "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."

"How can you punish someone you claim to love?" is the question the world asks. The question God asks is, "How can you not punish your children?". We are told by God to punish and correct our children while there is hope, that is, while your actions have some chance of molding this child into a productive citizen. The parent who dares to discipline his children is viewed by the liberal world as archaic, a monster who uses tactics totally unnecessary against little Johnny. Yet every parent who chastens their children in Christian love despises the need for such action. I often paddled my children with tears streaming down my face, hating it, yet knowing that I had to guide them away from danger and into Godliness. God says, let not thy soul spare for his crying. The child must know that disobedience will bring retribution. In knowing this he will avoid the action in the future in order to avoid the retribution.

Proverbs 23:12-14 "Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Correction is the Hebrew MUWCAR {moo-sawr'} which means "discipline, chastening, or correction". The purpose of disciplining your children is not to abuse them. Christian discipline is never child abuse! The purpose of MUWCAR is never to make yourself feel better. Little Johnny breaks your television so, in order to make him pay you paddle him. Absolutely not, my friends! The purpose of MUWCAR is to correct bad behavior in a child that, if left uncorrected, could eventually lead the child into loss of physical life. Notice the way God writes the above statement:

Hell, or SHE'OWL {sheh-ole'} [or SHEOL {sheh-ole'}] to the Hebrews meant the "underworld, grave, hell, pit". In other words, SHEOL was equated with death. Children, as I said before, have no real concept of death up until a certain age. They are conditioned by television to see a star die on a show, and suddenly appear on another channel in another show. Children not only lack a full understanding of death, but they consider themselves somewhat immortal thinking that nothing will ever happen to them. The Author of Proverbs warns us that a good paddling (ministered in Christian love) will not kill the child, but failure to do so may lead the child to SHEOL, or an early grave. The Lord further emphasizes the need of disciplining your children by the injunction:

Proverbs 22:15  "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. "

Too often we think of children as "little people". We think they are complete and fully formed, straight from the womb. Yet children grow. Few children reach full physical growth until they become eighteen years old, and few children have a firm grasp of reality until they reach that same age. Some adults are children even now because the foolishness bound in their hearts was not eradicated when they were young. Our country has many adults walking around, outwardly grown up, yet inwardly petty, vicious, possessing a desire to hedony regardless as to what the Moral Laws state. I have had the "blessing" of talking with many of these child-adults over the past few years. Many write me via e-mail and say, "How can you say such and so! We live in a modern society, not in those archaic Biblical times. You hurt my feelings by pointing out the Bible said this, or that.". The heart filled with childlike foolishness is the heart that doesn't want to hear the truth. This heart, left to it's own devices as the child physically grew into an adult body, is still just as "me only" as it was when it was first conceived. Our society suffers because of the adult children. The world suffers because proper norms and standards are not introduced to the children while they are young.

Proverbs 29:15  "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

Does the child always need to be paddled when he disobeys? No, not necessarily. Remember, the purpose of all discipline is to correct bad behavior in the child. No christian parent chastises a child for self gratification. Reproof,  TOWKECHAH {to-kay-khaw'} [or TOWKACHATH {to-kakh'-ath}] means "rebuke, correction, reproof, punishment, or chastisement". It carries with it the sense of verbal rebuke rather than physical action. If your words are enough to convince the child to avoid errant behavior in the future, then you achieved the Godly result and no further action is warranted. Remember, though, that you should never verbally attack the child, instead rebuke the behavior. It is unGodly and wrong for a parent to tell a child, "You're worthless", or "You're stupid". It is not Biblical to attack a child's self esteem, nor is it right to verbally abuse them. Focus on the bad behavior. Focus on correcting the behavior so it doesn't recur. Do not strip the child of his self esteem.

There are great dangers inherent in incorrectly applying discipline to your children. When Paul specified the qualifications that were necessary for one told hold the office of Pastor, he stated:

1 Timothy 3:4-5 "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) "

I have seen this paradigm blown out of the water a number of times in my association with Pastors over the last few years. One Pastor, a really good preacher, had a child who literally stole from him. When I asked him about it, this Pastor said, "But David, he's my son". Yes, we love our children, yet often we confuse emotional care for true love. Is it love to look the other way while a child steals? What does this teach the child? Remember, laxness in disciplining your children is the same as treating them as the enemy, and leads them down a pathway that may end in death.

Gravity is the Greek SEMNOTES {sem-not'-ace}, which means "the characteristic of a thing or person which entitles to reverence and respect, dignity, majesty, sanctity, honor, or purity". Paul actually equates the rule in the household to the rule in the House of God. Children can be disciplined, rebuked, even paddled, yet in a way that shows respect for the child. Some parents "discipline" their children by having a "whip fest". I know one parent who made his child take off his shirt and "assume the position" leaning against a wall like a convict. The parent then lashed his back, much like some crazed warden in an old "B" rated movie. That child today is dead, having taken his own life when he was around 19 years old. Did the parent correct the child's behavior while keeping his self esteem intact? No! Abuse of a child is never Godly discipline. This parent forsook SEMNOTES in order to satisfy himself, to "avenge" the act of the child. He actually pushed his son to the grave instead of helped him to survive.

If we were to spell out Godly discipline, SEMNOTES, the list of "do's and don't's" would look like the following.

1. Let your child know where the lines of right and wrong are drawn from the start. So many parents refuse to take their children to Church and Sunday School, neither do they attempt to train these children in the Moral Law. Yet it is these same parents who stand back in amazement when the child does wrong. Hey, these kids aren't mind readers! Let them know where the lines are drawn, at least give them the chance to do right.
2. If you must discipline your child, do so deliberately and never in anger. The majority of child abuse in this country occurs because the parent is too childish to go to another room and cool off before punishing the child. Grow up! You're an adult, so act like it. Cool off, then discipline.
3. If you warn the child that he will be paddled if he repeats his bad behavior, and he does it anyway, then keep your word. So often I witness parents tell their kids, "If you do that again I'm going to whip you". So the child does it again, and the parent says, "Do it again and you'll be punished". The child does it again, and again, yet each time the parent just warns. You know what you did? You made it a game called "King of the Mountain", and your kid's going to play that game to try and win. If a child learns from experience he can do something five times before he's punished, he'll do it five times. Usually at the end of "King of the Mountain" the frustrated parent has a brain seizure, acts irrationally, and either under or over punishes the child. Nothing is resolved, nothing is corrected.
4. You must be consistent in punishing your children. If you smile and let disobedience go by one day, and the next have a brain seizure and beat the child for the same offense, you confuse rather than correct the child's behavior. Both parents must be consistent in punishment. If the father paddles the child whereas the mother only talks to the child, eventually the child bonds with the mother while drawing away from the father. On less than this divorces have been initiated. Both father and mother should sit down and discuss how they're going to punish the child's bad behavior together.
5. Always discuss the bad behavior with the child before and after his punishment. The child must know why he's being punished. If not, he'll begin to hate mom and dad for needlessly persecuting him. After the punishment is over let the child know in no uncertain terms that you love him. Never punish and walk away without addressing the relationship. The child must know that you hated his actions, but you love him.

Train up is the Hebrew CHANAK {khaw-nak'}, meaning "to train, dedicate, inaugurate". The same word is used in Deuteronomy 20.5; 1 Kings 8.63; and 2 Chronicles 7.5 to emphasize dedication to the Lord. Too many believers take parenting as a one sided event. They punish their children, lay down ground rules for their behavior, but never take the time to train them in God's Word. In fact, the only time some parents recognize that they have children is when the child disobeys and must be punished. If the only time you're paying attention to your kids is when you're punishing them, then your children will start to disobey to get your attention. You're part of the problem, not the solution.
 

Bring them up is EKTREPHO {ek-tref'-o}, which means "to nourish up to maturity, to nourish, to nurture, or to bring up". God tells us there are two ways to raise our children, one evil and one good. The evil is to do nothing, to ignore their training, and thus provoke them to wrath, or improper behavior. The good is to train your children in the Word of God (here referred to as "nurture and admonition of the Lord"), thus building a good foundation in their souls so they might be led to salvation within their lifetime. Children that undergo basic Scriptural Training (reading Bible stories, explaining the relationship that God desires with His creation, emphasizing the Gospel message and work of Christ) are far more likely to accept Christ as Savior than their counterparts who receive nothing from their parents. Children who learn basic Moral Laws early in life are far less likely to commit crimes in society when they reach adulthood whether they embrace Christianity or not.

The Lord makes it clear that the fathers are the primary teachers for the children. This is very contrary to the view modern society holds on the family unit. In recent years television has presented man as stupid, a fool, and the woman as the level headed intelligent leader in the household. This degradation of men and their role in the family began in the early '80s, and has increased to a greater and greater extent until it's the expected state of affairs in every sitcom family. Children watched Claire Huxtable control the eating habits of Heathcliff on the Cosby Show. Claire was always presented as the one who trained the children, her husband was too stupid to engage in such complex tasks. We laughed at Tim Allen on Home Improvement as his wife denigrated him, and he contributed to the denigration by use of ape like neanderthal like grunts. Designing Women promoted the intelligence of women while styling men to be childlike, buffoonish, idiotic. Men were, after all, simple creatures that only thought with one area of their body. And that area was not the brain.

For nearly twenty years men have been denigrated in the media, and in the real world men have automatically lost custody of their children in 99 out of 100 divorce battles. Yet the Word of the Lord says that it is the fathers, not the mothers, who should be forming the moral codes of the children through Biblical training on a regular basis. God designed the family where the father was the head of the household, the mother the helper or right hand to the father, and the children in the status of "adults in training". Fathers everywhere need to be involved in soul training their children. Men, are we failing in this important responsibility? If we neglect spending time with our children we push them into improper behavior. God never recognizes the following excuses:

• Well, my job keeps me busy, so I just can't do it like I should. (Your job's more important than your child?)
• There's something on television tonight I simply must watch. (Spend time watching your children instead)
• My wife takes care of that. (God says it's your job)
• I'm too tired when I get home. (We're all tired. Are you going to be too tired when you have to bail your kid out?)
• They learn all they need to learn at school. (WHAT? Like condoms freely distributed, how to smoke and drink, new curse words?)
• That's what Sunday School Teachers do. (So once a week will do it, when the world is on their backs 6 times as much?)
• Hey, I'm not a preacher. (Maybe not, but do you want your kid to be a criminal?)

1 Timothy 5:8  "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. "

This verse doesn't just apply to providing physical nourishment to your family, but also refers to the spiritual nourishment you should be giving them through the Word of God. No school, not even a Christian school, adequately trains a child of itself. You see, your children identify with you a lot more than they identify with their teachers who are, after all, really strangers. You are in a position to positively influence your children on a daily basis in the intimate setting of the home. This gives you an edge in training them that others do not have. It also creates a handicap that other teachers don't have. If you are a hypocrite and your children know it, you'll be ineffective as a teacher. Teachers in the school go home and have private lives quite separate from their public ones. Yet your children see you in private, and know your heart. If you're a Believer who lives his faith then you will be a positive influence on your children.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:  And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."

Training your children begins by first putting God's Word in thine (your) heart.If it's there first, if you believe it, then it's easy to impart it to the ones you love. You must teach these Words to your children diligently, SHANAN {shaw-nan'}, on an "incisive and regular basis". Teach your children the Word of God. Teach them to "Deny ungodliness and worldly lusts, to live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ" (Titus 2:12).

How should you teach your children?

1. Be honest with them. Share things that you have on your heart with them. Let them see how the Lord has been important in your life, and explain what the Word has done for you.
2. Answer the child's question directly, to the point. If you know the answer don't beat around the bush, and don't use terminology above his head. Children have a short attention span that grows as they age. Make your answers sharp, incisive, to the point.
3. If you don't know the answer tell the child, "I don't know". This establishes a pattern of honesty, and opens lines of communication between the parent and child. The child will know that he can always come to you with a question and get a serious answer, and he'll respect that.
4. Look for training opportunities in the child's daily life. If he loses a toy, or makes a bad grade, rather than focus on the downside try to help him find comfort and encouragement in the Scripture. As he moves into adulthood these early lessons will cause him to seek God's face when he's in trials.
5. Have your child memorize short Scripture verses that apply to daily life. Have him hide these verses in his heart, and by so doing build a good foundation for living a well balanced adult life.
6. Explain the ordinances of the Church to your children. So often I see kids taking the bread and wine of the Lord's Table like some supermarket treat. That's not the child's fault, it's the parent's fault for poorly preparing their children.
7. Teach children by good, positive example in your own life.
8. Use nature around you to show your children Biblical truths. Look at a rainbow, the stars, the sun or moon together .. then get out the Bible and show what God says about these creations.

Psalms 119:9  "BETH. Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word."

Psalms 119:11  "Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee."

Psalms 119:16 " I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word."

Psalms 119:25  "DALETH. My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word."

Psalms 119:28  "My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word."

Psalms 119:41  "VAU. Let thy mercies come also unto me, O LORD, even thy salvation, according to thy word."

Psalms 119:42  "So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me: for I trust in thy word. "

Psalms 119:50  "This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me."

Give your children the gift that really keeps on giving. Give them the Word of God while they are able to receive it. Train them while they'll hear your teaching. You are working with God, forming a future adult who will one day take his place in society. Don't form a dud!
 

WHOA, wait a minute! Throughout this entire study on the family we've been talking about how God designed the family unit, how we should love one another within the unit, and how we as parents should be teaching our children. Now we see Jesus telling us that if we don't hate that same family unit, then we can't be His disciples. Did Jesus just contradict the Scripture?

No, not at all. First, hate is the Greek, MISEO which literally means to love less. We are told to love our family less than we love our Lord, if we want to be his disciple. Second, Jesus was addressing the problem of priorities in our lives. Often we allow our decisions to control our lives rather than controlling our lives by the right decision. Look at the parable. These men were not engaging in immoral things. What they wanted to do was quite natural. Two of the men had just made business deals (buying new land and cattle), and wanted to make sure the deals were firmly in place before they went to any party. The other man had just taken a wife, and he wanted to make sure she was happy before he committed himself to anything else. These men didn't necessarily choose evil over God, but they did choose second best over that which was offered them. They failed to look at the Author of the Feast and realize that this Great King personally invited them. Had they chosen the Feast over their business or family matters it's likely they'd have been richer in both areas in the long run.

Jesus is very concerned about the priorities of His people. When our priorities are wrong then we'll spend more time in front of the television than in front of an open Bible. When our priorities are wrong we'll spend more time at work than we spend with our wife and children. When our priorities are wrong we'll always choose second best over God's best for us. We'll settle for hamburger when we could be eating sirloin.

Luke 16:13  "No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."

Mammon is an old word that really means "Money, riches". As believers we were saved from the excesses of this world into Eternal Life through the work of Jesus Christ. Jesus expects us, therefore, to give first priority to Him and our Heavenly Father in all things. Before salvation our priority was to gain wealth, seek riches, pleasure ourselves, be happy. We believe the pursuit of happiness is so important that we even wrote it into our Constitution as an inalienable right (the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness). Yet after salvation our number one priority, no matter what, is to please our Lord Jesus. How does this effect our world view?

If our primary goal is to please the Lord, then any other goals that we set in our life must conform to that primary goal. We want to be pleasing to our Lord in all things. My job must be pleasing to the Lord. Can I work in a Casino or in a Bar and fulfill this first priority? That's for you to answer. For me, the answer is "no". Should I seek a job that will interfere with my time with the Lord? Again, no. If I take a job that makes it impossible for me to study the Word and pray on a regular basis, then I took the wrong step toward the right goal. It's good to have a well paying job. I'm supposed to support my family, and this is Scriptural. Yet I must remember that primary goal as I take steps to feed my family. If not, I'm just as out of fellowship as those fellows we read about in Jesus' parable.

Why do believers often take wrong steps toward the right goal? There are several things that lead us astray in this area:

1. The society in which we live has trained us to seek wealth above all else. We try to keep up with the crowd, to be like the Jones's, to be wealthy so our children will want for nothing. Yet as we place the job in the place of our relationship with God, we move farther and farther away from that first priority of "Love the Lord". Society is godless. We should not be following society, but society should be following us.
2. We often allow circumstances to influence us in the wrong direction. I mentioned the Pastor who's son was a thief. That Pastor decided that because "He's my son" this was his first priority over that of "Love the Lord". Yet we all fall into this trap at one time in our lives. When we live under the tyranny of circumstance we often ignore the gentle calling of our Lord.
3. We all want to be liked, and this often influences us into untenable spiritual positions. When I was young I smoked my first cigarette because I wanted to be part of the crowd. I had my first drink of alcohol for the same reason. Yet, later in life, I look back and realize that this really wasn't the crowd I needed to be running with anyway. Before you say "yes" in an attempt to blend into the crowd, ask yourself if this crowd is worth joining. What are the real penalties for saying "no"? Will these penalties even be felt a year from now?
4. We allow our own tendencies toward self gratification to get in the way of "First, Love the Lord". It's easier to refuse to teach in Church than to get in front of the class and follow your calling. You see, getting in front of the class moves you out of your comfort zone. It's easier to watch television than spend time in the Bible or with your family.

Genesis 12:1-4 "Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee: And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran."

This was a man who had his priorities straight (though, later in life, he fell victim to mixed priorities out of fear for his life). God told him get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee. Abraham had to move out of his comfort zone, keep his priorities straight (love the Lord FIRST), and as a result God promised to bless him. Did Abraham argue? Did he seek to make excuses as to why he couldn't leave his country for a strange land? No, the Bible says so Abram departed. No excuses, no reasons. Just obedience to the Lord. Though he gave up a lot, Abraham gained much more by obedience than he would have by conforming to the world.

What should our priorities be? First and foremost, love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind (Matthew 22.37). This priority should be a thread woven throughout every action you take in this life. Second, love thy neighbor as thyself. (Matthew 22.39). Treat others with the respect that you would treat yourself with. Stop maligning others, backbiting, stomping on other believer's feelings. When someone has something to say, listen to them. Hey, you like being heard, so give others a chance. If you disagree with a fellow Christian then confront them in love. This happens much too rarely now a days, yet it should be the norm. Too often if I disagree with you then eventually one of us starts looking for the "soft underbelly" so we can attack back. This is not loving the Lord. This is not loving our neighbor.

Show the Lord you love Him by spending some time with your wife and kids. Tell "the boys" that you're going to be spending a little more time at home, where your presence counts. If you get your priorities straight your family life will be a blessing instead of a curse. I pray that each and every one of us make Loving the Lord our primary goal in everything we do. For when we do, we'll see a difference in our society.

John Hagee put it a different way (and this is a paraphrase only). If there were 150 million Americans who were truly born again believers, acting like born again believers, you wouldn't see our society in the state it's in today. You wouldn't see children killing children, children experimenting sexually at the age of 12, or a President in the White House making a mockery of sexual discrimination. You wouldn't see homosexuality taught to our children as an alternate lifestyle, fully acceptable to God (which it isn't). When we, as believers, make our priorities reflect that which God's Word teaches, we'll see our society bend to our behavior rather than we bend to it. God give us the strength and will to put Loving Him first. God Bless you all!