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WHERE TO PUT
YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Expectations are relationship-killers.
The wife expects her new husband to be the Prince Charming of
her dreams. The boss expects the new secretary to read his mind.
The congregation expects the new pastor to reverse the declining
attendance, preach inspiring sermons, and attend every social
occasion. The pastor expects the members to support him, keep
down dissension, and respond to every challenge he throws their
way. I expect the 3,000 plus who read this article to click on
"respond" and tell me how it was precisely what you
needed today.
It sounds so noble to have high
expectations. Like we believe in one another. But it's a trap.
The person who expects perfection of me has set us both up for
disappointment. I am not perfect, and anyone looking my way to
find it will leave in frustration. I am, however, encouraged to
find Scripture dealing with this subject. Lately, I've been camping
out in the vicinity of Luke 6 and 7, making discoveries about
our misplaced expectations and the rightful place to direct them.
1. Expectations about other people:
Give them up. In Luke 6:32-36, after commanding us to love our
enemies and do good to those who do us wrong, Jesus cautions us
to expect nothing from the people to whom we minister. It's just
like the carnal world, He says, to do things to others then sit
back, expecting a proper response. "But love your enemies,
do good to them, and lend to them, without expecting to get anything
back." Everyone who ministers in the church or through her
would save himself a lot of grief by jettisoning his expectations.
If the people respond, fine; if not, that is their choice. Do
your job and go on to the next task, with eyes on the Master.
2. Expectations about Jesus: Lift
them up. Luke 7:1-10 tells of the Roman centurion who intercedes
with Jesus for his ailing servant, then sends a delegation to
ask Him not even to bother coming to the house. "I do not
consider myself worthy," he said, then added, "But say
the word, and my servant will be healed." This man has focused
everything on Jesus. That's the point. We never go wrong in looking
to Jesus as our Shepherd, Sustainer, Strength, Salvation, and
Song. (Don't be put off by the 'S' words; believers can do this
for every letter of the alphabet! Jesus is our Alpha, Almighty,
Apostle, Amen, Author, and Advocate; Brightness, Beloved, Beginning,
Bridegroom, Bread of life, and Branch; Chosen, Captain, Comforter,
Cornerstone, Chief, and Counselor…convinced?) We can never
expect too much of this One who is our All in All. You can make
a case for the weakness of our churches and the defeat in our
lives from our low expectations toward the Lord Jesus. On this
subject, John Newton wrote: "Thou art coming to a King, large
petitions with thee bring, For His grace and power are such, none
can ever ask too much."
3. Expectations about the preacher:
Lighten up. Luke 7:18-35 revolves around the expectations people
had of Jesus and John the Baptist. John sends a delegation to
ask the Lord, "Are you the Expected One? Or should we expect
someone else?" Jesus instructs the messengers to return and
describe the life-transforming miracles they are seeing, and John
will figure it out for himself. After they departed, the Lord
addressed the crowd in defense of John. Jesus treasured this rough-edged
prophet, whereas the "nice" people of the day were put
off by John's clothing (what there was of it), his diet, and his
rude ways. The Lord asks, "What were you expecting in John?
A weakling who took polls to find out where he stood? A softling
wearing the latest fashions from the king's tailor? Whatever you
were looking for, you got it and a whole lot more!" (My rather
free paraphrase.) Throw away your expectations when God sends
His man to your town. God will do it His way, and He will not
ask our permission. Baptist polity aside, God does not give a
rip about what the majority want or the polls say. As Paul said
in Romans 3:4, "Let God be true and every man a liar."
Liberate the preacher from your job description. Encourage him
to obey the Father, and you support him.
4. Expectations on yourself: toughen
up. Luke 7:36-50 describes a woman who slipped into a home where
Jesus was the guest of honor, and proceeded to weep over His feet,
anoint them with a costly perfume, and then wipe them with her
hair. The host, a Pharisee named Simon, tactfully said nothing,
but his acidic thoughts could peel the paint off the wall. If
Jesus were really who He claims to be, He would reject the adoration
of this sinful woman. Look at her! Look at Him! Jesus said, "Simon,
when I entered your house, you gave me no kiss of greeting. You
did not wash the dust off my feet. You did not anoint my head.
But this woman has not stopped kissing my feet, bathing them in
her tears, and anointing them. She loves much because she has
been forgiven much." As with all of us, Simon would have
done better by directing his high expectations toward himself.
Church people get this backward
so easily---expecting everything from the people around us and
the man in the pulpit, while asking little from Jesus and letting
ourselves completely off the hook. As a result, we go through
life frustrated and critical toward the people around us. Why
aren't they doing their job? Why isn't the preacher more effective?
Why does the church put up with the hypocrites in the pews? Why
do they elect teachers who do not subscribe to my 25-point plan
for revolutionizing the world?
It's the old "Speck in Your
Eye, But I can't See the Railroad Crosstie in My Own" approach.
Oh sure, I have these weaknesses, these areas that give me problems
from time to time---but, I accept myself warts and all, I cut
myself slack, I give myself grace. It all sounds so noble, but
all we have done is sanction our hypocrisy.
After Jim and Tammy Bakker fell
from the PTL pedestal, he later said, "We thought the rules
that apply to other people did not pertain to us." Tough
with others, but easy on myself. It's an old story, one that always
ends with a downfall.
"Heavenly Father, give me
three things in this life: a heart of fire toward Thee, a heart
of flesh toward others, and a heart of iron toward myself. Amen."
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