How Many Gay Friends Do Your Kids Have?

(Note: In times past, I refrained from the use of the word “gay” in referring to homosexuality because I believe such a lifestyle is truly not gay. However, it has occurred to me that I have no control over the American language and the changing definition of words. In order to effectively communicate in this article, I will cave in to the use of this word. Thanks for your understanding.)

I got a big surprise one day, when my college age daughter started telling me about some of her friends where she worked. She was talking about this girl, and about that girl, and she said. “Oh yeah, Dad, she’s got problems. She’s gay.” I was shocked. I said, “You mean, she and you talk a lot, even though she is gay?” My daughter answered, “Yeah, but Dad, she knows how I feel about it. I told her that I believe that kind of lifestyle is wrong, but I don’t go around condemning her, or giving her a hard time, because I am hoping I can have some influence on her for the good.”

That was not the only time I had a conversation like that with my daughter. I discovered that she had bumped into a lot of “gay acquaintances” at her school and where she worked. I commended my daughter for trying to be careful about being true to her biblical values and not to closely associate with anyone in an ungodly lifestyle, because Paul warned us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). I always prayed that God would give her the wisdom to do what was right in her relationships. However, I was blessed because, by God’s grace, my daughter at least knew right from wrong regarding the issue of the gay lifestyle. However, I am sure that many kids do not understand that homosexuality is wrong and they have no idea why it is.

Has your teenage son or daughter come home and talked to you about a friend, and said, “Oh, by the way, he’s (or she’s) gay”? If so, what did you say? If you are like many parents, you might think twice about how you answer. Of course, you might say, “What? You have a gay friend? Don’t you know that homosexuality is a sin? It’s awful and disgusting! You shouldn’t have gay friends!” If you make a response like that, , you may encounter a backlash. If your son or daughter has already made friends with this gay individual, they may be sympathetic to him or her, and they might begin to believe that you are cruel and prejudiced. On the other hand, you cannot drop the matter without saying anything, because you know that homosexuality is wrong, and you may develop reasonable fears that, God forbid, your own son or daughter could one day be swept away in a delusion of thinking that they, too, are gay. So what can you say? I would recommend taking this approach:

First, ask that son or daughter how they feel about this person, knowing they are gay. If you can get your teenager to open up to you, hopefully you can learn the answer to as many as 3 questions: (1) How close is your own kid to this gay person? (2) How comfortable is your kid with the idea of this person being a homosexual? (3) Does your own kid know that homosexuality is wrong, and why it is wrong? Obviously, the main thing you want to learn is the answer to number 3. If you discover that your teenager is not that close to this person, and is uncomfortable with his or her homosexuality, that will obviously make it much easier for you to talk about why being gay is wrong. However, perhaps more often than not, you will discover that your own kid has already become close to, and defensive about, his or her gay acquaintance and maybe even calls this person a friend. Then what will you do? Perhaps the next step will be workable.

Second, ask your teen if this person suffers any persecution for being gay, and if so how does your own kid feel about that. Regardless of their answer, be sure and tell your teen that hatred and prejudice is always wrong, and evil. Make sure he or she knows that you never condone hating or mistreating anyone for any reason.

Third, ask your teen if they know exactly what the Bible says about homosexuality. Sit down and read the following scriptures, talking over them and explaining each of them with your teen: Genesis 1:27; Genesis 2:21-15; Genesis 19:5; Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9; 1 Timothy 1:10; Jude 7. Tell them that homosexuality is not genetic, and it is not natural. Tell them it is a sexual perversion and it is a mental addiction, just like pornography, or gambling.

Finally, tell your teen we are supposed to love all people, but the Bible warns us to never get close to any person in a sinful lifestyle. Encourage your kid as best you can, as I did with my daughter, to be a kind person, and a witness for Christ, to this gay acquaintance, but they must never become close friends with them. You may say, “Preacher, my kids never meet any gays, so I don’t have problems like this.” Don’t fool yourself. One day, they will. Be prepared. “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.” (2 Corinthians 6:17)

James Sanders

Pastor,

sandersjc@yahoo.com