True And False Friends

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

What Is A True Friend?

In my lifetime I’ve had a number of people who said they were my “friends”. Some of these friends got me in trouble. They would say things like, “Let’s go out drinking”, or “Let’s vandalize something”. They used me for excitement – but when trouble came, they were no where to be found. They were “fair weather friends” that used me, took my company and money – then abandoned me.

I’ve also had so called “Christian friends”, even Pastors that I’ve sought out to pray with and fellowship with. Sadly, I found out that many of these “friends” were just as bad as the lost people that I hung out with when I was a child of darkness. At one Church I pastored years ago, I had five “friends” who were pastors also, who often met at my Church for prayer and fellowship. At one point in my ministry there I was confronted with a decision to make. Deciding one way, I shared what I thought with these “friends”. Without exception every one of them told me “I think that you’re making the right and godly decision”.

Proverbs 11:14 (ESV) … in an abundance of counselors there is safety …

It turned out to be a horrible decision, one I have regretted ever since. Yet God is faithful (2 Thessalonians 3:3), and will guard you against the evil one. Further, “all things work together for good to those who love the Lord” (Romans 8:28). God used the bad toward my good, and I grew in my Christian faith and ministry.

A few years later one of my pastor “friends” told me “I knew you were making a bad decision, but I never said anything. Maybe I should have.” Beloved, that is NOT a friend.

A true friend is defined by Jesus Christ:

John 15:13 (KJV) Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

A true friend will lay down his life for his friends. That doesn’t necessarily mean a friend will die for another friend, but it does mean that a friend indeed will put his friend first. Our Lord Jesus Christ laid down His very life for us. This is true friendship!

1 John 3:16 (ESV) By this we know love, that {Jesus} laid down his life for us…

Jesus laid down His life for us. As the Son of God, Jesus is co-eternal with both the Father and the Holy Spirit.

John 1:1-3 (ESV) In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.

Jesus Christ, the Living Word of God, was God, is God, and will always be God.

Enthroned in Heaven, Jesus is the co-Creator of all that we see in Heaven and on the earth (see Colossians 1:16-20). Jesus became incarnate, that is, God became Man so that He might pay for our sins. The Scripture says:

Romans 7:4 (ESV) Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God.

Jesus did not just die for us to take us to Heaven, but to change out status from lost to found, darkness to light, child of Satan to child of God. Saved people are to lay their lives down for Him Who died for them.

Romans 8:3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh

Jesus laid down His life for us, and we are saved when we lay our lives down for Him. This is what friends do for one another. The Bible says that:

James 2:23 (ESV) … Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness — and he was called a friend of God.

If you would be a friend of God, you must be willing to follow God. Jesus said:

John 15:14 (KJV) Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I COMMAND {entellomai} you.

Word Study: The word translated “COMMAND” is the Greek entellomai (pro. en-tel’-lom-ahee) which means “whatever I ask you to do, command, charge you to do”. Jesus Christ is a wonderful Friend Who laid His life down for us. But He does not call us to be “fair weather friends”. A friend of God will follow God.

I was talking with another Christian the other day about “Eternal Security”. This Christian – and he is a good Christian man – had questions about Eternal Security. He asked, “What about somebody who walks the aisle, says they are saved, are baptized – then a few years later walks away from God and Christ? Did they lose their salvation?” My answer is quite simple:

That person was never born again, never indwelt of the Spirit, never a child of God in the first place. That person was a “fair weather friend” to God, a fake, a counterfeit, a Judas Iscariot.

The Bible says:

2 Timothy 2:19 (ESV) God’s firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.”

I can’t tell for sure “WHO ARE HIS”. The professor may actually just be a fair weather friend. But those who are His, are His because He laid His life down for them … and they lay their life down for Him. Those who are saved by Grace are eternally secure because:

1 Peter 1:2-5 (KJV) Elect according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through sanctification of the Spirit, unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: Grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied. 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

If you are saved, you are saved by laying your life down for Him Who laid His life down for you. You are a friend of God, and God is your Friend.

You do what God calls you to do because of true friendship. Jesus said:

John 15:15 (KJV) Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

We serve God not as slaves, but as friends serving our dear Friend. What a friend we have in Jesus!

The Kingdom Of God Is A Kingdom Of Friends
That Help One Another In Christ

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

When we believe and receive Jesus Christ as God Incarnate and Savior, then God imputes righteousness to us and befriends us. The Bible tells us in:

James 2:20-24 But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead? 21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar? 22 Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect? 23 And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. 24 Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.

Abraham was not called the “Friend of God”
(2 Chronicles 20:7) until he offered Isaac to God.

Understanding friendship with God helps us understand Abraham’s decision to “offer Isaac his son upon the altar”. When God came to Abraham and said, “take now thy son, THINE ONLY SON ISAAC, whom thou lovest … and offer him for a burnt offering” (Genesis 22:2). Abraham did not hesitate.

IF Abraham’s Friend is a True Friend, a Right Friend, a Good Friend “in Whom there is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5); and IF God as Abraham’s Friend told him to sacrifice Isaac, THEN his Friend would not knowingly harm either Abraham nor Isaac.

Abraham laid down his life, and the life of his son, trusting the friendship of God. Beloved, what Abraham did is what we all are called to. The Kingdom of God is a Kingdom based on true Friendship between us and God. We lay down our lives for Him Who laid down His life for us.

Jesus laid down His life for us. We are saved when we lay down our lives for Him. Once saved, we are brought together into the Family of God.

I Don’t Have To Go To Church
To Glorify God

I’ve heard this quite a bit from professing “Christians”, that they need not go to a “Church” to worship God. They forget that the Church belongs to Jesus (Matthew 16:18). Jesus calls His children by faith to band together, and help one another through adversity.

Proverbs 17:17 … a brother is born for adversity

A true Friend lays down his life for you – and a true Brother “helps in trying times”. Within the Church that Jesus is forming, we are called to lift up and support one another.

1 John 3:16 (ESV) By this we know love, that {Jesus} laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

God laid down His life for us.
We are saved when we lay down our lives for God.
Our proof of salvation is that we willingly lay down our lives for our brothers.

We are not saved to be selfish, but selfless. We are to love within the Family of God unconditionally. The Church is a body of believers who are friends with God, and friends with one another.

1 Corinthians 12:24-26 (ESV) God has so composed the body … that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

“A brother is born for adversity”. We encourage our brethren in Christ as they go through the trials and tribulations of this life. A verse that comes to mind is:

Galatians 6:1-5 (ESV) Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. 5 For each will have to bear his own load.

This sounds contradictory. It says “bear one another’s burdens”, but then says “each person will have to bear his own load”. As a brother or sister in Christ, we should help our fellow believers when they are burdened and suffering.

Though I am your friend and brother in Christ, I cannot live the Christian way of life FOR YOU. I can encourage you – but YOU must walk with Jesus!

Believers sometimes make foolish decisions that they will have to pay the consequences for. I can help those who make bad decisions -but only so far. Believers need to understand that actions have consequences that another believer cannot correct.

Proverbs 17:18 (KJV) A man void of understanding striketh hands, and becometh surety in the presence of his friend.

Word Study: The word translated “STRIKETH” is the Hebrew tāqaʿ (pro. taw-kah’) which means “to reach out and strike or slap hands together”. This is a reference to making a covenant or contract with someone in a hasty manner.

A “man VOID OF UNDERSTANDING”, someone who acts hastily or without wise and careful scrutiny will “become surety” {ʿărubâ, make a contract for another} “in the presence of his friend”. Even though you are friends with others, be very careful and wise when stepping in to help another – especially if they have made bad financial decisions.

Illustrate: Years ago at another Church I pastored, a man named “Robert” came to see me in tears. He was married to “Kathy”, and Kathy had some serious mental issues. She was manic depressive, on lithium, and prone to doing foolish things though she said she was a Christian. Kathy had spent Robert’s entire paycheck foolishly, and Robert didn’t have the money to pay his utility bills that month. They were members of my Church.

My heart melted. I didn’t have the money to help Robert and Kathy out, but put over $800 on my credit card. It was enough to bail them out. I advised Robert to take away Kathy’s access to the bank and credit cards in the future. Less than two months later Robert was back at my door, begging for help again. Kathy did the same thing again. The Church agreed to help, but only if both Kathy and Robert be scheduled for financial counseling.

They refused.

I never got my money back, money I desperately needed for myself and my family. Both Kathy and Robert wandered off to other churches, probably looking for other hand outs. Beloved, you can help a friend – but be CAREFUL about BECOMING SURETY or signing contracts hastily for them. I’ve been burned by this several times in my Christian walk. As friends, we lay our lives down for one another. But sometimes it is best to love a friend by letting them suffer the consequence of their foolishness. The Bible says:

Romans 6:23 … the wages of sin is death

Be careful that you do not destroy your life or the life of your family reaching out to fair weather friends. Do not make hasty contracts to help a “friend” out. Be prayerful, scriptural, and remember that you cannot save others from foolish decisions that they have made.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is say “no, not today”. And make sure that you are friendly with all, but do not befriend trouble makers.

There Are Some People I Love From Afar

Proverbs 17:19 (KJV) He loveth transgression that loveth strife: and he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction.

The “gate” was the place in ancient times when people gathered to conduct their business, and to make money. Some people love power. They “exalt their gate”, are focused on doing whatever they can to be the top dog, the boss of the crowd. Those who follow this path often destroy businesses and communities – even Churches.

There are also people who “love transgression”. The word “transgression” is the Hebrew pešaʿ (pro. peh’-shah) which means “rebellion against God given authority”. Avoid those who are narcissists. Avoid those who stir up trouble. Never befriend people like these. Share the Gospel with them – with everyone – but do not hang out with them. The Bible says:

1 Corinthians 15:33 (ESV) Bad company ruins good morals.

If you walk with demons, you will begin to think like the devil. The Psalmist said:

Psalm 26:4-5 (ESV) I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked.

Come to Church. Fellowship with Christians who are friends with God. They will grow your faith. If you fellowship with those who are friends with the world, they will draw you away from God (James 4:4). Prayerfully choose your friends wisely.

May God bless you all. Amen.